Closing in on year # 3...
Well the 3rd year without you is coming to a close. Why the month before your angel date is so hard I don't know, but as soon as the clock rolled over at midnight to June 16th the dread set in again. I am going to try to blog this month some as it helped me last year, I am hoping Justin's family and friends will do the same. The following quote by Elizabeth Edwards tells it all, she knew because unfortunately she had experienced the loss of a child.
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died--you're not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that, is a great gift." ~Elizabeth Edwards~
Love and blessings to you all this month, thank you for being patient with us, embracing us as we stumble along the path of grief. We will forever be grateful for those who don't forget!
Thanks to a high school friend, Butch Yielding, for allowing me to use his original song Butterfly Song he wrote for a dear young friend also lost too early! Hope Dani and Justin have found each other in heaven!!
Fly my Sweet Butterfly . . .
Well the day is here and for some reason this past 24 hours has been one of the hardest in my life. I haved cried so much that when I went to get up this a.m. at 5:20 after a night of barely sleeping and crying, my eyes were swollen to merely slits. Must say it was not a pretty site at all. I waited till a little later and went to see you where your body now sleeps, alone but that's o.k. Left you a beautiful butterfly balloon because for me it is a symbol that all the old stuff is gone, you have a new healthy beautiful body.
I can close my eyes and imagine you happy, free and well like the butterfly leaving that old cocoon behind. Wish I could hold you one more time but I know I have an eternity to do just that. Keep my seat warm my dear baby, I will be there in the blink of an eye. Till then you stay around us if you can, keep a watch over these little ones. I love and miss you so very much.
|
Aunt Jo To Leah Avril |
July 16, 2011 |
~Thinking of You~
To the family of Justin, We know how difficult these kind of anniversaries are. Just know that you are in our heart and prayers, and I know every kind deed that is shown helps to ease the pain a little. We hold Justin near our Heart...
((Hugs to Teresa))
"Never Forgotten!"
Mother's sadness . . .
Well the last 24 hours is here, tomorrow as today there are tears. I will try to focus on the tears that are joyous for you and not sadness for me. You are precious to me Justin and I am counting the days until I see you again. All the memories of you are tucked in my heart.
I thought we would be together forever and it would be you that told me goodbye but I guess there were other plans. I will never forget and will never be "over it" or over you. I often wondered how parents bury their children and not die themselves. Well, now I know that really they do die, not a physical death but a true emotional death. They are a changed person, filled with much sadness. Even though their faces may be smiling during the day their hearts are crying at night. Unless you walk this road of of losing your child you will never understand. My prayer is that no one has to experience this, when I read or hear of another child dying too early my heart physically aches for that parent.
As the years pass, I feel more and more alone. I feel like no one remembers any longer and if they do for some reason they choose to not mention it. Maybe a mother's grief is different, running deep to the very core of her being. I don't know ......
Alone with my feelings . . .
Well Justin, those lasts are heavy on my mind today. Trying hard to put them in perspective, in that I mean they are not REALLY the last, just the last for awhile. I love you son and I miss you so very much. There is not a moment in my day that you are not on my mind. Just feel like today I would like to lock myself up in a room with my feelings and not come out. Can't really share much cause most people don't really want to listen, they say they do but it is easy to tell how uncomfortable it makes them. Oh well, life goes on, just keep it to myself I guess. Love you.
I'm there inside your heart . . .
Right now I'm in a different place,
And though we seem apart,
I'm closer than I ever was
I'm there inside your heart.
I'm with you when you greet each day
And while the sun shines bright,
I'm there to share the sunsets, too ...
I'm with you every night.
I'm with you when the times are good,
To share a laugh or two,
And if a tear should start to fall ...
I'll still be there for you.
And when that day arrives
That we no longer are apart
I'll smile and hold you close to me ...
Forever in my heart.
Author unknown
Love you son, forever in my heart!
Tie-dye butterfly--makes me think of you
Out of your cocoon . . . .
What the caterpillar calls the end, God calls the butterfly.
Author unknown
Free like a butterfly . . . .
When we have done all the work we were sent to do,
we are allowed to shed our bodies,
which imprisons our soul like a cocoon encloses the butterfly
and when the time is right we can let go of it.
Then we will be free of pain, free of fears and free of worries--
free as a beautiful butterfly returning home to God....
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
GOAL MET . . . . .
Rolling into that last week now. I know from previous years that the time leading up to the day is actually harder than the actual day itself. Again this year I will be there with candle in tow at sunrise to greet the day at the time you stepped into heaven. While I shed tears of sorrow for myself and my loss I also celebrate your happiness. It helps me sometimes to imagine you in heaven, laughing, dancing and not hurting any more. I think this year I will open our time up to any one that desires to go with me at that time-guess we'll see who reads this-may just be you & me! There is something about the sunrise that brings heaven and earth closer together-peaceful!
Love you Justin beyond measure. I am forever a changed person after losing you. Every day I live brings me a day closer to seeing you again, just another minute, another heartbeat away. Trying my best to keep myself together until then because I know you would want me to do that for myself, your siblings and your children. I think of the many times we had and smile at those good memories and well, the ones that weren't always good don't matter any longer because my overall goal was to see you happy and healthy-->GOAL MET!!
I HATE JULY!!!!!!
Well when July 1st rolled in my heart feels the heaviness. The last conversation, the last kiss, and on and on! Ticking off the lasts in my crazy brain, when will this get better? Went to the cemetery today, there are many days I just want to lay on top of your grave and die too. I know I can't do that but there are moments it makes perfect sense to me. Lots of tears the past few days! Most of the time it still feels as if this is a terrible nightmare, one that I will surely wake up from soon. I still find myself waiting to hear from you especially on the phone. My phone is quieter now than before July 16,2008, very quiet at times. Sometimes I just want some of your drama back so I can hear from you. I can't believe it has been three years, I cannot imagine going through the rest of my life without you. I know that there is a reason for everything, yada yada yada, but most of the time this seems absolutely unreasonable to me, taking a child before his mother.
Maybe someday it will get easier, NOT!!!!! I HATE JULY!!!!!!!
Add text to Closing in on year # 3...
