Justin Bradley Lindley

What I wouldn't give to hold you one more time but then it would be hard to let you go again.  With every breath I miss you!  Love you so very much!

I can't get over you,

 

Because I carried you for nine long months, and

you where there, right under my heart.

 

 

I can't get over you,

 Because I felt your butterfly flutterings and your tiny taps,

to let me know that you were part of me, and my life forever.

 

 

I can't get over you,

 Because I fell in love with you the very second

that I knew you were there, and I knew that we where forever one.

 

 

I can't get over you,

 Because I heard your first cry as you entered this world,

And because I held your body so close to my heart.

 

I can't get over you because, I heard your first burp, and kissed

your head for the first time.

 

 

I can't get over you,

Because I saw your first tear as it fell upon your cheek

and because you looked at me with such trusting loving eyes,

that made me the center of your world.

 

I can't get over you, my precious child,

because I saw your first steps and heard your first laugh,

 I held you so tightly, and rocked you through the night.

 

 

I can't get over you,

Because you trusted me to love and take care of you.

I can't get over you because you were, and still are, my child.

 

I will never get over you,

Because I am your mother,

And I will love you forever,

I will never get over you!

                                    ~ Author Unknown

Went to your gravesite yesterday to clean the headstone, someone had been out there and put flowers there, made me smile.  Helps to know you are not forgotten.  Jaycie went with me and helped me, lots of questions now from this little one about where you are and when she will see you again.  She says over and over again how much she loves you.  I tell her how much you loved her too.  How you fed her, rocked her, got up with her at night.  She loves hearing those stories.  Don't know what I am going to tell her when she begins to ask why?  How can I answer a question that I truly do not have an answer for?  Guess I tell her just what I know, Jesus has got it all under control and we will never really know the why.  I love you so much Justin.  My heart is breaking, how can a mother lose a part of her and go on?  Stumbling, one foot in front of the other . . . . .

Today is July 4th, most people are celebrating; me not so much.  This year seems to be zooming by, as does this month.  I know the day will be here shortly and often the dread of the day is worse than the actual day itself.  I try to spend that day in reflection and be thankful I know at least where you are. I thank God for having you in the palm of his hand and for taking care of you.  I thank him for each memory of you, I even smile and laugh as I remember those things.   I know that you are happy and would never choose to come back.  I live today because I know this is NOT forever, but in the blink of an eye I will see you again.  I love you and miss you with every beat of my heart!

Well, last day of June today and the dreaded count down has begun.  Why is it harder the month before your angel day?  It is always hard but for some reason this time of year is the worst.  Thinking of the lasts, the last hug, the last kiss, the last time we spoke and the list goes on and on . . . . .    Thinking-did you know that I loved you more than life itself??  Thinking-could I have done anything differently?  Thinking-Why God Why???????

Missing you so much, every minute of every day.  Can't even imagine the WHY?  Someday maybe I'll know, until then trying to focus on your babies, Austin about turn 13 and Jaycie almost 5, like I know you would want me to do.  Some days it seems as if you left us only yesterday and some days it seem so long since I have held you, talked to you.  I don't understand, reallly hard to swallow a lot of the cliches everyone seems to associate with losing part of your heart.  Trying Justin, I AM trying . . . . . .